jump to navigation

Emotional Stress, Drama at Home, and Overeating February 18, 2012

Posted by Optifast Blogger in Maintenance.
Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,
2 comments

Like so many of us, I feel that almost-irresistible urge to eat, especially comfort food or high fat/high carb food, when I’m stressed, especially by family drama. I won’t name names, but I have family members who know all my buttons and who, for example, routinely take advantage of generosity to the point of my feeling used, or who respond to reasonable requests as if I’m the biggest, uh, let’s say witch, on the planet. And when feeling abused by family (or other people or situations), I respond by wanting to be kind to myself (since I’m feeling that no one else is), and typically food AND alcohol are (regrettably) still the first things that come to mind. Quick, readily available, relatively, cheap, and very effective (at least at the time of the pain).

It’s fine to say take a bath, get a massage, work in the garden, get your nails done, call a friend, read a book. These may help, and are certainly valid suggestions, but they generally aren’t as quick, cheap, available and effective as food and drink. Yes, we self-medicate with food, and booze, but sometimes one needs that medication to get through the day – or night – right? At least, it sure feels that way sometimes.

The ironic and yet true thing is that instead of being kind to ourselves, we are being the opposite. We are sabotaging ourselves, we are contributing to our health and weight problems, and we are setting ourselves up for more pain long-term, due to weight gain, guilt and recrimination.

Now, I think that it’s OK to sometimes have a piece of chocolate or glass of wine after a bad day, as long as it isn’t in excess or the start of out-of-control eating. But if the chocolate or wine is going to be just the beginning of a binge spiral, it needs to be stopped. Because then we are just hurting ourselves the way the others have hurt us. And why would we want to do that?

What I Do That Helps

What I find helps me is a little mind game I play. Say I have a blow up with Family Member X and am feeling frustrated, angry, sad, you name it. I’m in pain, and want to numb the pain. I think about raiding the candy drawer (left over Halloween candy) or my husband’s cheese and salami stash, or heading to the local Mexican restaurant for chips and a margarita. Sugar, fat, alcohol – the drugs of choice. But what I tell myself is, if I do that, then they (Family Member X or whoever) win. Not me. If I hurt myself in that way, start a spiral of unhealthy eating, it’s like I’m on their side, not my side. If I’m on MY side, then I need to be good to myself. And being good to myself does NOT equal out of control eating or drinking. When I’m feeling “I’ll show them!” why would I do something that will make me fatter and more miserable? If I really want to “show them,” then I need to do the opposite of binging – stay in control, stay healthy, keep my weight down, look good, respect myself.

It’s kind of juvenile (“take that, I’m NOT going to eat that cookie, so there!”) but when we’re angry and sad, don’t we kind of regress to those primitive childlike emotions? So if I respond like a child (saying, although not directly to them, “No, you can’t make me eat a bunch of junk food! No, you can’t make me resort to alcohol just to numb the pain you caused!”) isn’t that OK? If I feel like by NOT giving in to emotional eating, I’m “winning” by being good to myself, and it helps, then I think it’s a valid thing to do.

It would be even better if I could take this further, and instead of my response to their behavior making me resort to unhealthy eating, I responded by taking a walk or run, putting on an exercise video, or hitting the gym: being good to myself in a long-term way (healthier, fitter, slimmer) rather than a short-term way (mind-numbing calories). That will really show them. No, you can’t make me hurt myself!

But the bottom line is that the simple idea that if I binge (due to their behavior), then THEY win, can help me stay in control.