Thoughts on Mother’s Day: Family, Food, and Fat

I don’t blame my mom (gone 20 years now) for my lifelong weight problems. But family is definitely involved in the whole weight issue. My mom was slender, never over 100 pounds till she was pregnant. I don’t think she was ever over 120 in her life, and was around my height, 5’3”. Her sisters were slim, as was her mom, my grandma.

On my dad’s side, however, there were a number of stocky women, including my grandmother. I think it was the German blood on that side. My paternal grandmother had what I call a “uni-boob” – that is, when clothed in a dress (the only way I ever saw her), she had one mound that went from her neck to her waist where her body tucked back in a bit. Not a body type you want to inherit.

Besides genetics, families affect our weight all the time as we’re growing up (and sometimes even later), from what’s served on the table and as a reward (esp. high fat, high carb food), to comments about our eating behavior , activity levels, and body size.

My mom had me on several diets when I was in my young teens, without much success, as I recall. I know she was after me for reading too much instead of being outside. And I have a not-so-great memory of being in my late teens and eating something she thought I shouldn’t. She remarked, “So you’ve decided to be fat?”

Sounds bad, but she was actually pretty low-key about weight compared to her (slim-to-average weight) sister, my aunt, who said to me once with passion “I HATE fat!” and later in life carried around and frequently showed off (in an annoying and slightly creepy way) pictures of her three granddaughters grouped together in their bathing suits. Each year the picture showed the girls older, but always in their bathing suits, and always rail thin.

Even when my Aunt Norma was close to the end of her life and had very bad eyesight, on a visit to her house, after asking how much my (average weight) sister weighed and not getting a definite answer, she grabbed my sister’s hand, felt her fingers like the witch in Hansel and Gretel and said, “You were always big boned!” Which my sister was and is absolutely not! She has my mom’s slender bone structure, if not her same body weight.

Now my four-year-old granddaughter has suddenly packed on too many pounds, and my daughter is on her case about it. The doctor said to restrict her sweets, my sister says she’s just ready for a growth spurt, and I’m worried about news on childhood obesity epidemics. But my daughter is too outspoken with the four-year-old, critical of her suddenly heavier body, and I worry about negative self-images. In an ideal world it would be easy to keep kids from eating sweets and junk, but when you’ve got boyfriends, babysitters and visitation with non-custodial parents in the picture, all of whom want to keep the kid happy, it’s not so easy.

Moms, daughters, family, eating, weight – it’s complicated, and emotionally powerful stuff.

Anyway, back to Mother’s Day. Last year it was my last big holiday before going on Optifast. We had brunch out at a Mexican restaurant with lots of chips, cheese, and other forms of carbs and fat, and of course the requisite margaritas. This year it will be dinner at my house, with grilled salmon, artichokes, salad, and wild rice. I’m hoping it will be much easier to eat healthy! I do plan on making some pound cake and serving it with sliced peaches (if I can find some this early in the season – maybe from South America?) and some peach-flavored Tequila I bought in Mexico a few weeks ago, as a glaze. Have to serve some kind of dessert, but I plan to make my own serving super-light on the cake and heavy on the peaches!

Sincere wishes for a happy and healthy Mother’s Day to everyone. Honor your mom this weekend, if she’s still around, but make your own decisions about what to eat if celebrating together, if she’s the type that fills up your plate or urges you to eat sweets. Take that piece of cake or those leftovers “home” in a doggie bag and dump it in the nearest trash, if they aren’t part of your eating plan! The best way to honor your mom is to be a healthy happy grown-up. That’s what all parents (should) want for their kids.

For those on Optifast, best wishes for surviving an eating event and staying on product. For those in transition or maintenance, remember to take good care of yourself. And remember, too, that although food will always be here, your mother probably won’t, so focus on celebrating family more than food this Mother’s Day.